In want of an expert
by JadedNobody
Summary: Inspired by feurisson972


"Alright Espio today is the day."

"For the seventh time," Espio dipped his tea. "We're nearing double digits."

"It's not my fault Vanilla is distracted by Cream before I can ask," Vector insisted.

"I think Cream is more of a convienent excuse than obstacle for you," Espio calmly sipped his tea some more.

"Well I'll prove it to you. The next time we see Vanilla I'm going to ask her out."

"When the next time we're going to see her," Charmy asked as he flew into the room.

"Now Charmy," Vector lectured. "Vanilla is a busy single mother. It be rude to just barge in on her." Espio and Charmy just looked at each other.

"I thought you said today's the day?" Charmy buzzed to the phone.

"Today's the day I start planning Espio. You got to have a plan when dealing with a beautiful woman like Vanilla." Vector didn't even notice Charmy dialing their land line.

"So when do you anticipate to strike," Espio finished his tea.

"Well-"

"Hi Mrs. Vanilla, Vector would like to go out with you." Vector looked at Charmy in horror as Espio started laughing. "Oh, well he planning on going over their but I wanted to save him a-" Charmy was pressed into the desked as Vector snatched the phone away.

"Mrs Vanilla I'm so sorry about that," Vector said mortified. The bee let out some muffled giggles from under Vector's arm.

"Oh it's no worry. Do you really want a date though?" Vanilla's query made Vector's stomach drop.

Vector stared at Espio for help only for the chameleon to shrug as he carried his cup to the sink. The crocodile steeled his courage.

"Ye-yes if you have the time." The rabbit on the other end hummed in contemplation.

"You can come over tomorrow and I'll make us a nice lunch. Is that fine?"

"Yes, but I don't want to make you work during our first date."

"You can pay me back on the second." Vector heart stopped at the implication.

"Ah-Okay I'll see you then."

"That sounds good. I have to go now Vector, I need to start gardening."

"Okay bye." Vector hung up anxiously. Taking advantage of Vector's distracted state Charmy burst into motion slipping out of his grasp.

"Imgoingtogoplaywithcreambyeespio," Charmy zipped past Espio and out the door.

"I'll kill you when you get back you brat!" Vector rattled his fist out the door.

"He did you a favor." Espio stood behind Vector watching Charmy's disappearing form.

"He humiliated me."

"He got you the date didn't he?" Vector crossed his arms in defeat.

"You know what I have bigger problems right now." Vector walked to his desk and corner of the office. "I've got to think of which way I want to seduce Vanilla," Vector plucked his fedora from his hat rack. "So many ways to choose from," Vector was as giddy as a school boy.

"Vector look at me." The chameleon was at the foot of the desk.

"What is it now Espio. Are you going to say I can't do it."

"No you can," Vector was shocked by that. "If you don't act like this," Vector wasn't shocked by that.

"Is your saying she'll never love me." Vector brushed the dust off his hat.

"No it's not your character. It's just that your inept and inexperienced with women."

"Espio do you really think I'm inexperienced-"

"Name one girl you've ever dated," Vector's silence was telling. "I don't even think you've ever even kissed a girl," Vector's attempt at an indignant gasp was even more telling. "You can do it just reign in your ego," was all Espio said before he exited the door like Charmy, well slower than Charmy.

The reptilian chief of the Chaotix stood stunned by Espio's methodical dismantling of superiority complex and insecurities. It was so clinical there was nothing Vector could do but admit to himself it was true. Now panic filled Vector as he realized total lack of experience could cost him a future with Vanilla.

"What do I do?" Vector dropped to his knees and brought a fist down on his radio.

"Call an expert," was what the beaten up radio said before it burned out to static.

"Brilliant." Vector shot back up straight renewed. That was the answer. He just needed the advice of a man more succeful with the ladies than himself.

The first name that came to mind was Shadow. He had the acquaintance of the heart throb Rouge and legions of fan girls. Followed by the realization that Shadow would simply stare at him incredulously before waking away. Especially given the fact they never had a word of dialogue before.

The second name that came to mind was Knuckles. They already knew each other as the echidna was a founding member of the team. The guardian had the full attention of Rouge before Shadow and still kept it to a degree despite the competition from the ebony hedgehog.

"To Angel Isl-" Vector's mind came to a blank when he realized he had no way of getting to the floating island.

Vector slumped into his chair as he tried to think of anyone else to ask. No other man came to mind that had any more knowledge than he did. Vector glowered at the beaten up radio.

"Stupid thing!" Vector slammed his fist on it once more.

"Silver," said the voice of an infomercial seller before the radio died out. The word was probably describing or in the title of some product. However, for Vector, it brought to mind images of ivory hedgehog.

Of course, how could he over look him. After a little thought he realized Silver was the best person to ask, even if Shadow and Knuckles were accessible. Vector giggled deviously as he donned his trench coast and fedora. He smiled apologetically at the radio before heading out the door.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Silver watched TV as Blaze washed the dishes, the plates were greasy from the lasagna he had made. David Attenborough's voice was so serene he was between attention and inattention. He followed along the narrations as if they were a dream.

He was snapped out of his reveries by a loud knocking on the door. Blaze turned the faucet off to go answer it. Silver curiously followed along like a child seeing a parent get a package. The feline opened to door to see Vector standing there with a dopey smile.

"Hello Vector, sorry but we weren't expecting guest," Blaze said with a furrowed brow.

"Oh, I know," the crocodile's grin faltered at his realization of his intrusion. He spotted Silver looking over the cat's shoulder and locked eyes. "I was actually hoping to have a private word with Silver," Vector tried to sound as polite as possible hoping not to raise the ire of a fire cat.

"Were you expecting him Silver?"

"I don't think so," Silver answered confused.

"I need your input on something," Vector added desperately. Blaze simply waited for Silver's response.

"I'll talk to you Vector and help with whatever you came to me for."

"Alright, then I suppose I'll take this as an opportunity to go to the super market." Vector made way for Blaze.

"You don't have to-" Blaze held up her hand.

"I was going to do it anyway," the feline said as she walked off.

Silver looked unsurely at the sheepish Vector before gesturing him in. The crocodile followed to the kitchen table. Vector waited for Silver to sit before feeling comfortable enough to take one. Vector decided just to go right into it.

"Silver, I need your help with my date for Vanilla."

Silver questioned just how it was him who always got into the most surreal situations. After that he came to of two minds of this. On one hand he felt a little flattered and appreciated to be asked for advice. Especially on such a mature subject matter from someone in his twenties.

Silver had come to resent just how everyone constantly babied him. He blamed Blaze with how much she mothered him. But no matter how it came about everyone treated him like the little brother of the team. Sonic and Shadow regarded him as the runt of the triple S. Nobody took his opinions nearly as serious as he took them. Even the youngest of the team like Tails, Cream, Marine and co simply treated him like a peer instead of a senior.

On the other hand why was Vector coming to him. He truthfully didn't even know what help he could give the man. If he was in Vector's shoes he just go to Espio.

"Uh... Okay, but why me?"

"Because you are already an expert in this point with Blaze of course?" Vector confidence was in constant inertia. He said that line completely bold face.

"Wha. . . What?!" Silver blushed a bright warm red.

"Yeah," Vector reassured Silver. "I need advice and your the best hog for the job."

"I don't think so. Why don't you go ask Espio for advice." Vector sneered at that.

"That chameleon is below my level. Vanilla is a fine delicate flower and only you can impart the skill I need to succeed."

"How do I have the skills?"

"Did you not hear me mention your relationship with Blaze," Silver stammered at that. "You are the sole object of that cat's adoration. You two are already living like husband and wife."

"We live more like siblings," Silver tried to reason.

"Oh my god," Vector's jaw dropped. "You have so much game you win without even realizing it." Silver found his impatience overwhelming his embarrassment.

"It's not how you think Vector, I'm not going to argue on this."

"It's not just Blaze, but Gold too." Vector spread his arms out like their was a flash of light behind him. "Your tenrec values your opinion highly and holds your approval gravely."

You could've fooled Silver. Whenever they're in passionate argument and Gold knows she's losing she simply labels him an overly precocious kid. Only Blaze is worse.

"Gold's gay," Silver said shortly.

"I'm sure she forgets sometimes," Vector winked. "And last but not least is Whisper." Silver felt his blood boil in offense for his friend. "Your the only person that introverted wolf hangs out with." The wolf was the sweetest person he was honored the way she treated him like an honorary little brother.

"Do you think this is an anime they're my harem," Silver bristled slightly at his aggression.

"No I think this is an example of a player," he pointed at Silver. "And one who has options."

"You're wearing out your welcome Vector," Silver warned. Vector clasped his hands together.

"Please help you're my only hope with Vanilla." Silver felt his hostility fade at the apparent desperateness of the man.

"Where are you going for you're date?"

"Her house, she's making lunch," the crocodile stated.

"Then it seems that you're through the woods. If Vanilla feels comfortable enough to make you lunch then I don't see why you need my advice."

"Silver we aren't all natural chick magnets like you. We can't all get women to swoon for us and dote on us affectionately." Silver was confused.

"I don't talk to any birds." Vector didn't bother to explain.

"Just give me a strategy for lunch, what do I say?"

"Uhmmm," at this point Silver was willing to say anything to get Vector to leave. "Make the lunch about her. Ask questions about her life and hobbies and be interested. Make sure you're a good listener and don't interrupt," Silver prattled off a few cliches that, honestly, he got from Sonic and Shadow. The two were arguing about who could get a girl better and he heard one of them say to the other that he couldn't do these thing.

"Do you have a pen and paper?"

"No why?"

"Because that's brilliant. I need to study that."

Silver didn't bother saying anything else and got Vector his items. The crocodile scribbled away before running off with a hastily muttered thanks. Silver just went back to his show.

"So what was that about," Blaze walked in with a plastic bag in each hand.

"Nothing," Silver said. Blaze just rolled her eyes and went about cataloguing the groceries.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Silver woke from the gentle tapping of arm. At his bed side was his lilac companion.

"Silver, Tails is here to see a you," Blaze said as if that was the most mundane thing in the world.

"Why?" Silver tried to shake the grogginess off.

"I don't know, should I let him in?" The albino hedgehog didn't even need to consider it. He liked Tails too much to turn him away.

"Yes, you can direct to my room." Silver got out of bed and stretched. Blaze quit the room only to soon be replaced by the kit.

"Good morning Tails," Silver yawned. "What's brings you here?"

"Uhmmm," The fox was blushing. "Is it true you helped Vector impress Vanilla." Silver squinted at the fox. He wondered what Vector told him, and everyone else for that matter.

"I gave him some advice before his date," Silver said honestly. "Nothing more than that."

"C-could you help me too," the fox stammered out. "With Cosmo I mean."

Silver knew that the universe was mocking his constant wish to be taken seriously.


End file.
